The Speed of my Mind… And the Anarchy of Self that follows in it’s Wake…

For as long as I can remember I’ve yielded some sort of energy. An energy set forth to both bless and curse my existence.

The problem is, this energy doesn’t really sync with anyone or anything, meaning I continually feel isolation and frustration when others can’t keep up.

I don’t want to make people uncomfortable and I don’t want to have to put pressure on businesses and individuals to push themselves, I just see so much potential in whatever state I find myself and I always want the optimum out of any circumstance.

The biggest frustration for me in in my work, because I consistently see solutions to easily solvable problems and companies just aren’t interested in innovating for the most part, many are just happy to wallow in stasis, bleeding revenue because they can, but not because it’s the most efficient and effective use of their time, or driver to their end gain.

It’s hard to explain to people how my mind works. I guess the easiest way to explain it is to make you think about the most complex project or circumstance in your life, all its facets, all it’s variations; now imaging 20 or 30 of those situations intertwined and imagine how you go about solving the riddle…

With me, I can just see every potential variation in circumstance, compartmentalising every attribute across every problem and creating linear links that enable me to rapidly, but calmly assess risk and potential.

It’s like a sort of highway code of mechanisms for business, everything I’ve ever seen or witnessed in or outside of my working life. Like a beautifully complex spider diagram with a flow and parts I can remove or amend along the way with new “data”.

I’m not a robot and I’m not autistic, but I do think extremely fast about everything, many assume that will mean that my judgement might be rash or unconsidered, but it’s very much the opposite, I just don’t fear putting my head above the parapet.

This mindset, that’s ingrained within me is extremely valuable, but for the most part it just scares people, because they either have the “not broke don’t fix it” mentality, or they just fear change. When really all I want to do is innovate and bring my whole self to the party.

I try to slow down and I try to go with the flow, but it’s just not in me to do anything at half measure and if I’m forced to bumble along I just feel low and like I’m not fulfilling my full potential.

Don’t know what to do really… Don’t know what to say…

I’m sort of lost in this moment…

There was a time when this part of me was celebrated, but that time is dead, I don’t know where I will end up or where I will be tomorrow, I only know it’s not getting any clearer and I still don’t understand why people don’t care more…

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