Another friend dead… 10 Years Ostracised, 10 Storeys to find his peace…

It’s a hard one to start this one…

The 4th friend within a year or two lost…

It’s hard to be candid sometimes when you worry you might come off as flippant, so I’ll start by saying that I didn’t like Simon when I first met him.

He was argumentative, often the ‘devil’s advocate’ even if he agreed with you and in general when I have that sort of relationship with someone it grates on me, because people can often come across as arrogant and that’s a trait that I let out to play on occasion, which is not always endearing…

That said, over years of what can only be described as ‘eclectic/diverse’ and very intense conversations about the planet and its inhabitants, I grew, not necessarily to understand, but certainly to respect and enjoy Simon, for all his ‘quirks’ and the emotive intelligence we shared in our setting the world to rights…

Now he’s dead!

Why do I put it like that? Because you need to sit up and f**king listen NOW if you want to do something about the person sitting next to you!

Here’s a guy who went through hell with a girl he loved 10 years ago, clung on to that habitual dream, never to love again, obsessed with his car, online games, safe in the chasm of fiction and he never worked beyond his allotted 37.5 hours per week; possibly as a means of control, possibly as a means of abject and enforced isolation…

10KM runs, religiously, every Sunday, so you can’t say the guy was destroying his body or neglecting his mind on every front. But his family neglected him… ostracising him those 10 years ago, at point of relationship led self-destruction.

Now he’s dead!

He’s dead, because for 10 years, those closest to him decided felt their public perception; not measuring up to his lawyer sister and not stable of mind on every front, was more important than loving their son, or their brother and really getting to grips with what made him tick. (Seemingly a posh public perception is shattered if your sons got mental health issues; I might have gone the same way if deep down there wasn’t such a deep connection to my mum, who in part saved me.)

Do I blame myself in any way for losing Simon… f**k yes I blame myself and this isn’t about me, but I’m physically sick at the thought I was arm’s length from the truth, just a bit more digging, just a bit more questioning who this man really was and where was the missing piece, that perhaps I could have filled, to remedy the void within his mind…

If we are as ‘humankind’ to look beyond the bullshit that goes on around us, to ask those questions and really care about the answers, then perhaps a change can be made.

We see businesses changing their internal policies because they want to ensure sustainable profits, but do we really look out for those around us?

If you take away anything from this life take away this… the words left unspoken can never be undone, don’t ever let protocol, or pretence suppress the potential for change… help people, help more people, we learn so much from one another and if I’d have been on the top of that building I’d have thrown myself to the edge to drag him back in and to let him know everything would be ok.

Everything would not have been OK, but when we reach that ‘Journey’s End’ – where there is life… there is hope!

4 thoughts on “Another friend dead… 10 Years Ostracised, 10 Storeys to find his peace…

  1. Thank you Thomas for sharing this. Simon’s is another tragic loss of a human life. Sadly people who feel so low that they want to take the ultimate sanction hide it so well even from those closest to them.

    Like

  2. Firstly I wanted to reach out and give you a hug,
    You are so right about the need for a really deep human connection to span the grey void of depression , the kind where there is no affect, sunshine is still grey, nothing can be felt, nothing can be said
    My beloved husband. Is the most amazing and wonderful man who has mania and depression built into his Being , and I wouldn’t change a thing about him, but we are a team, Bipolar doesn’t rule our lives but we have been through a psychotic breaks, diagnosis and have worked together to integrate his essence into our lives so that when all is black and dark and there seems to be no point, and he doesn’t believe it will end, but he believes in me and I am there without judgement just love, so he endures the black until with professional support we get him back on track
    Thank you so much for fighting the fight of educating those who are frightened or ashamed of mental health issues, both those having issues and the families and friends and lovers, you are inspirational
    And stop blaming yourself, Simon needed a connection you probably could never give, he wanted a big love
    Thank you for your blog
    Cathy X

    Sent from my iPad

    Liked by 1 person

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